Friday, 17 October 2008
Sunday, 21 September 2008
Annoying Things # 1
Having just finished a set of exams I am currently enjoying the splendours of study freedom. Free from the monotonous drone of a lecturer who uses powerpoint slides to fill the void that is his personality, free from hours spend copying and pasting useless information off Google to compose an essay full of fake curiosity and argument.
But free most of all, from those horrid little people who pretend not to work. The people who pretend they are constantly out drinking when really every night they shut themselves up in a library hovel and learn the entire Greek lexicon off by heart before a Classics exam, “Oh no, I’ve hardly done anything, no no”. They‘re the same annoying people who pretend to be shocked at their results “Complete fluke, I got 98%. Can’t believe it”. These people should be rounded up and slapped.
You’re a geek. Get over it. Stop repressing your desires. Announce to the world that you love swotting up, itemising every DVD in your collection in a separate folder and storing them alphabetically. All of us tell a white lie now and again, but pretending you’ve never touched a single Shakespeare play and then getting top of the year in English is like the Pope announcing he’s pregnant.
To be fair, the only thing worse are the pretentious twits who put up their hand in lectures. This is normally to make an unimpressive statement instead of asking a question. I presume it's an attempt to display their intellectual prowess but usually it just makes me want to staple the lecture notes to their head.
Unfortunately it seems a paradox of life that the people who pretend to be stupid are actually rather intelligent and the ones who pretend to be intelligent are really rather stupid.
Alexa
But free most of all, from those horrid little people who pretend not to work. The people who pretend they are constantly out drinking when really every night they shut themselves up in a library hovel and learn the entire Greek lexicon off by heart before a Classics exam, “Oh no, I’ve hardly done anything, no no”. They‘re the same annoying people who pretend to be shocked at their results “Complete fluke, I got 98%. Can’t believe it”. These people should be rounded up and slapped.
You’re a geek. Get over it. Stop repressing your desires. Announce to the world that you love swotting up, itemising every DVD in your collection in a separate folder and storing them alphabetically. All of us tell a white lie now and again, but pretending you’ve never touched a single Shakespeare play and then getting top of the year in English is like the Pope announcing he’s pregnant.
To be fair, the only thing worse are the pretentious twits who put up their hand in lectures. This is normally to make an unimpressive statement instead of asking a question. I presume it's an attempt to display their intellectual prowess but usually it just makes me want to staple the lecture notes to their head.
Unfortunately it seems a paradox of life that the people who pretend to be stupid are actually rather intelligent and the ones who pretend to be intelligent are really rather stupid.
Alexa
Sunday, 14 September 2008
Saturday, 13 September 2008
Friday, 12 September 2008
Question of Sport
Over the years, many of my favourite tv shows have passed away. Great great shows that have made me the man I am today. Due South, The Crystal Maze, Bugs, Popeye and Son, Noel's Houseparty and Pie in the Sky (the one with the fat chef who solves crimes) to name but a few. These were shows that weren't afraid to turn round to 'The Man' and say 'you know what, we may have ridiculous plots and premises but this is the 90s and we don't give a damn.Plus we have sweet theme tunes.' The not only tore up the rule book but they picked up the pieces, formed them into a papier maiche hamster and gave it to Richard Gere.
They were mavericks and I loved them. Sadly the TV execs weren't of a similar mindset and axed them all. Fine, we all make mistakes and I wasn't going to bear a grudge. I buried my emotions and carried on with my life.
That all changed tonight when I switched on the tv and saw the show that has haunted me since childhood. The show that is so poor, Tiny Tim shouted 'God bless us, everyone...except those involved in that shitty sports show.' I'm talking, of course, about Question of Sport.
How can it still be on tv?! It is the worst show of all time. Unbelievably, it has been running since 1970 and over 800 episodes have been filmed. 800 episodes?!? I had assumed that when the BBC had decided that a crime solving mountie was no longer worthy to be on our screens, they had also 'put to sleep' the worst quiz of all time. As I found out tonight, apparently not.
What annoys me about Question of Sport is that every episode is the same. Boring and unfunny.
Here is an example of dialogue:
Sue Barker: Right, fingers on buzzers. Who won Wimbledon last year?
Ally Mcoist: Er...(looking at clipboard of prepared jokes) David Beckham?
(Cue canned audience laughter)
Sue Barker: Ha ha! Oh Ally, you are so crazy and funny. And cheeky.
Ally: I know.
That this farce is still on our screens is a crime and must be stopped.
Sportsmen are not funny. That is a rule. Sportsmen are good at sport. Bloody good at sport. I have about as much sporting prowess as a Dorito but then again I don't pretend otherwise. Sportsmen should not try to be comedians even if they are reading out jokes written by other people. Stop it.
Crikey, didn't mean to go on a tirade! All I have to say is this: BBC. Stop Question of Sport and fill the new free 30 minutes with something good. Perhaps a new sketch show called I am Murray?
Just a thought....
They were mavericks and I loved them. Sadly the TV execs weren't of a similar mindset and axed them all. Fine, we all make mistakes and I wasn't going to bear a grudge. I buried my emotions and carried on with my life.
That all changed tonight when I switched on the tv and saw the show that has haunted me since childhood. The show that is so poor, Tiny Tim shouted 'God bless us, everyone...except those involved in that shitty sports show.' I'm talking, of course, about Question of Sport.
How can it still be on tv?! It is the worst show of all time. Unbelievably, it has been running since 1970 and over 800 episodes have been filmed. 800 episodes?!? I had assumed that when the BBC had decided that a crime solving mountie was no longer worthy to be on our screens, they had also 'put to sleep' the worst quiz of all time. As I found out tonight, apparently not.
What annoys me about Question of Sport is that every episode is the same. Boring and unfunny.
Here is an example of dialogue:
Sue Barker: Right, fingers on buzzers. Who won Wimbledon last year?
Ally Mcoist: Er...(looking at clipboard of prepared jokes) David Beckham?
(Cue canned audience laughter)
Sue Barker: Ha ha! Oh Ally, you are so crazy and funny. And cheeky.
Ally: I know.
That this farce is still on our screens is a crime and must be stopped.
Sportsmen are not funny. That is a rule. Sportsmen are good at sport. Bloody good at sport. I have about as much sporting prowess as a Dorito but then again I don't pretend otherwise. Sportsmen should not try to be comedians even if they are reading out jokes written by other people. Stop it.
Crikey, didn't mean to go on a tirade! All I have to say is this: BBC. Stop Question of Sport and fill the new free 30 minutes with something good. Perhaps a new sketch show called I am Murray?
Just a thought....
Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome...
Hello there! Welcome to my blog! You look absolutely splendid and your fragrance is making me feel clammy. I am Murray and this is my blog.
To be honest I only found out what a blog was about 10 minutes ago. I originally thought it was a bowel disorder. It isn't. So, I thought I'd embrace modern technology and dip my toe into the blog pond.
As I'm a very busy person what with my flock of geese to tend to and my new tv series entitled 'Murray's Mints', I probably won't have much time to log my blog so I will delegate that duty to my team.
To find out about Alex, Jamie, Richard, Alexa and Jen, visit www.IamMurray.co.uk
Hugs, kisses and inappropriate touching,
Murray
To be honest I only found out what a blog was about 10 minutes ago. I originally thought it was a bowel disorder. It isn't. So, I thought I'd embrace modern technology and dip my toe into the blog pond.
As I'm a very busy person what with my flock of geese to tend to and my new tv series entitled 'Murray's Mints', I probably won't have much time to log my blog so I will delegate that duty to my team.
To find out about Alex, Jamie, Richard, Alexa and Jen, visit www.IamMurray.co.uk
Hugs, kisses and inappropriate touching,
Murray
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